


Ten Years

by OurEchoes



Category: Glee
Genre: And angst, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Mentions of Suicide, Pining, Sexual Content, Underage Drinking, also college, also the kadam is barely there so don't let it throw you, and New York, and Sebastian's a dumbass, and chapters upon chapters in there may even be fluffy nice feelings but I'm a bitch so first pining, and jealousy over boyfriends, and there will be smut, blame Sebastian, but so is Dave so it's okay, but then friendship happens, eventually, pining like woah, seriously lots of pining, sorry for the endless tagging, they sort of have a love hate relationship at first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 20:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/654086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurEchoes/pseuds/OurEchoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sebastian offers friendship to Dave, he accepts it. Sebastian just didn’t expect Dave to be so much more than an ex-closet case and for feelings to get in the way.</p><p>or</p><p>The one where Sebastian and Dave spend ten years of their lives fighting, laughing, drinking, and eventually falling in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unlikely

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I am new to ALL OF THIS, but I really love AO3. I update erratically but sometimes it becomes weekly. This story is going to be long, by the way. I'm guessing at around the 100,000+ range. I've been told I'm good with dialogue so expect lots of talking and for the focus to be on both characters. It's going to be a long and slow ride, but I promise it'll be an attempt at a good one. Also the rating is going to go up to explicit in a few chapters (for sex but not for the pairing).

**1\. Unlikely**

It had been weeks since he had last stepped foot in the bar, but the moment Dave walked in the door he felt like he was home. It might have been a sad place to have to call home, but he was glad to be back nonetheless. The bouncer at the door did a double take as Dave came up to him, a soft smile playing on his face. He nodded before Dave even reached into his pocket to show his fake I.D. Dave flashed him a smile and ducked his head as he walked into the building, shuffling his way up to the end of the bar.

He slid onto the bar stool and looked up for the bartender. The usual one, a man with a short beard and thick build (Dave thought his name might be George), came up to Dave.

"Haven't seen you 'round in a while, Cub." he said. "You want your normal?"

Dave nodded his head once and looked over his shoulder with a semi relieved huff. He knew there wasn't going to be much of a hassle over his disappearance here. He wouldn't have to deal with people who he barely knew bombarding him with questions and concerns. He wouldn't have to deal with looks of pity and misplaced regret.

Here he would be able to breathe. He'd have space and some time to himself for once. It had already taken a million pleas before his dad even let him out of the house for longer than an hour; the fact that he agreed to let him go out for a while as long as he sent a text once an hour was just one small mercy, as far as Dave was concerned.

The bartender slid a beer down his way and Dave accepted with a tip of his hat before picking up the bottle and bringing it to his lips. He was never really big on the whole partying and getting drunk thing, but drinking did help take the edge off some times when he was feeling nervous. It wasn't that he was so much nervous as much as he was exhausted. Life was going in a rush these days and he just wanted to feel a little relaxed for once.

He sat alone sipping at his drink for a while before suddenly feeling someone take the seat beside him.

"Cubby, surprised to see you here." said the someone. Dave's eyes widened slightly and he continued to stare off into his beer bottle, as if _it_ could swallow _him_.

Sebastian Smythe was _not_ sitting beside him.

There was no way in hell this was real life.

"Hey, don't panic. I'm not here to put you down." he said as he turned on his stool to look at Dave. "On the contrary, really. I wanted to.. _apologize_."

Sebastian said the word like it was poison on his tongue, but sounded sincere. Which was just as shocking as it sounded. Dave lifted his head and looked at Sebastian. The guy actually looked almost _nervous_. Dave guessed he wasn't used to being sincere or apologizing to people.

"Don't just leave me hanging, Cub. I'm not so sure I'll last with this nice shit. It's already making me feel ill." he said with a grimace. Dave smirked.

"So what exactly are you apologizing for, then?" Dave replied with a knowing look. It felt nice to have the upper hand with Sebastian for once. The younger boy was always so in control and manipulating, getting what he wanted with ease every time, that it was almost surreal to know he had a weakness.

And that it was something as simple as having to say he was sorry, well that made Dave feel even better.

"You're going to make me say it, aren't you?" Sebastian nearly winced at the thought. Dave just continued to smile and took another swig of his beer. Sebastian let out a long breath. "Fine. I'm sorry for all that I said to you when you asked me out."

Dave nearly choked on his drink.

"Excuse me?" he said in a strained voice. Sebastian looked surprised and furrowed his brow.

"I said I was sorry for the way I turned you dow-"

"Woah, woah. Hold up. You thought I was asking _you_ out?" Dave bit back a laugh. He knew that would seem pretty rude, even considering who he was talking to. Sebastian's mouth fell open slightly and his brow remained lowered in confusion.

"You.. weren't?" he asked. Dave shook his head and raised his eyebrows. "Then what were you asking me?"

"I thought I said it pretty blatantly. I was asking how to get a guy to like me." Sebastian cocked his head to the side, as if the thought that someone _not_ slyly asking him out was unheard of.   "I knew you were the type of guy who got everything they wanted and figured you could give me some advice. I wasn't asking you out. You're not exactly my type."

Dave wouldn't admit it, but he only added the end on to annoy Sebastian. Saying Sebastian wasn't his type was a far stretch from the truth. While Sebastian was slightly taller than Dave and not as small as someone like Kurt, he was indeed Dave's type. If Dave had a type, that was.

Which he didn't. He just liked dudes. If they all happened to be twinks, well that was because there wasn't any other kind of young gay dudes in Ohio.

Sebastian r0lled his eyes and sniffed.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. You're not exactly mine either, so no loss there." he said. "Anyways, I'm still sorry for what I said. I was out of line for attacking you the way I did. I guess sometimes I forget how hard it can be to come out in a place like Lima."

Dave nodded.

"'S alright. Spilt milk and all that."

Sebastian's face fell some and he looked at the bar counter.

"No, no it's not just 's _pilt milk_ '. I was an ass for calling you names when all you did was ask me something." Dave opened his mouth to interrupt but Sebastian held up a hand. "Even if I thought you were another sleaze trying to hit on me, you still didn't deserve that. No ones does, but especially when you had asked so nicely. I should have just said I wasn't into you and moved on."

Sebastian looked up at Dave with a look of actual guilt on his face.

"You.. you didn't try because of _me_ right? Because that would be ridiculous even by TV soap standards."

Dave laughed dryly and shook his head.

"Nah, not just you. I'd be lying if I said you didn't have a part in it, but it's a fucking miniscule part compared to everything else that happened with me."

Sebastian stared at him, almost like he was waiting for Dave to go on.

"What?" he asked when Sebastian didn't let up on his gaze.

"I figured this was one of those poorly acted moments when the protagonist opens up to the unlikely ally and they bond or some equally pathetic shit." he said, a small grin turning up the corners of his mouth. Dave raised an eyebrow in question. "What? I can't help if my mind sometimes thinks in dramatics."

Dave shook his head and looked back to the counter, feeling himself smile as well.

"I don't know how much of a protagonist I am or an ally you are." he said. Sebastian tskked him and turned forward in his place.

"I don't know about the protagonist part either, but I _do_ know I'm your unlikely ally, seeing as how our past encounters have gone and all."

Dave blinked.

"Is that your way of asking to be my friend, Smythe?"

Sebastian chuckled.

"Maybe, Karofsky. Though I don't really _do_ friends. Acquaintances?" he asked. "Perhaps we can call each other allies or accomplices."

"You make it sound like we're going to rob a bank."

"You're much too masculine to pull off Bonnie, Cub."

"Who said you get to be Clyde?"

"Pretty sure that much is obvious. I do."

Dave rolled his eyes and shook his head again. It wasn't half as horrible as Dave thought it would be to attempt normal conversation with Sebastian. He thought for sure by now that he'd be running out the building, enraged and ready to kill someone for just looking at him weird. He never would have suspected he'd actually _enjoy_ speaking to him.

Dave guessed there had been weirder occurrences in his life.

"So as accomplices, I believe we should arrange a date for us to 'hangout'." Sebastian said, even making quotation marks with his fingers when saying the last word. "If we're going to give this whole thing a shot, may as well go all the way, right?"

Dave shrugged.

"I don't really need a pity friend, Smythe." he said with a sigh. Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"I'm not doing this out of pity, _Karofsky_." he replied, his voice sounding agitated.  "And if we're going to be friends, we really should get on a first name basis."

Dave wasn't sure if he believed Sebastian. What other reason would he have for wanting to be Dave's friend other than feeling guilty about his attempted suicide? It wasn't as if Dave was the most interesting person or even remotely the kind of person Sebastian would associate with. They belonged to two entirely different worlds. Aside from being gay, they didn't have much in common, Dave was sure.

Still, part of him really _wanted_ to be friends with Sebastian. He didn't have many friends these days aside from Kurt and Santana, who both still looked remorseful and guilty every time he would spend time with them. He was beginning to become really annoyed by it because even if they could have helped, they had all the reasons in the world not to. He would never blame them for his own decisions, no matter how much guilt they felt over it. And having only people who looked afraid to say something every time they talked to him was not helping him put everything behind him. It only made him think about it more, and he didn't want to do that.

Adjusting to life as is was hard enough. Adjusting to having friends who cared and felt bad was even worse.

"You're right," he said, inhaling sharply. "I need more friends and you.. why exactly again are you doing this?"

Sebastian shrugged, leaned forward, and picked the label on Dave's beer bottle. Dave felt a little uncomfortable with the closeness of the whole position but didn't feel threatened so just continued to sit in place.

"I guess I just want someone in my life who I don't want to sleep with or blackmail. My fucking therapist suggested trying to befriend someone and actually attempt being a decent human being." Dave's eyes widened and he stared at Sebastian, who just chuckled and continued to stare at the label between his fingers. "I know right? It's like she doesn't even _know_ me."

Dave let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and licked his lips.

"You.. you have a therapist?" he asked quietly, ducking his head a little to look into Sebastian's eyes better. Sebastian stared back after a moment and nodded his head.

"Yeah, since I was twelve."

Dave felt like there was a lot about Sebastian that he didn't know. Maybe no one knew. It was kind of intriguing in a weird way. Dave decided that the idea of the two of them becoming friends may have not been as ridiculous as he initially thought.

Sebastian leaned back and got up off of his stool.

"Well, I just saw a nice piece of ass walking out on the dance floor." he said nonchalantly. "Can't let him out of my sights for too long if I plan on scoring. See you around, Dave."

He turned to leave and Dave reached over and grabbed his wrist before he could leave.

"Friends?"

Sebastian smiled and for once it wasn't the usual smirk but a genuine smile.

"Friends."

Dave smiled back and let go, watching for a while as Sebastian danced over to a short, blonde boy with a mischievous look in his bright blue eyes. The two quickly began to dance together and Dave drunk down the rest of his beer before heading out, leaving a five dollar bill on the counter.

He got home around one o'clock and found his father still awake on the living room couch.

"You, uh, have a good time out at the movies?" his dad asked as he walked past the entrance way.

Dave smiled and nodded his head.

"Yeah." he replied. He smiled a little wider and looked down at his feet as he kicked at the edge of the rug. "I actually made a new friend."

His dad's brow lifted some but he still smiled warmly.

"That's good. You should invite them over sometime."

Dave nodded in agreement and went upstairs to his room to get some sleep. He thought about how things went with Sebastian and felt himself almost hopeful that this friend thing between them worked out. It was nice to think he might actually be able to add to the list of people who cared about him someday.


	2. Possibly

**2\. Possibly**

The next day, Dave woke up to the sound of his phone going off.Regrettably, he had left it beside his head as a substitute for his alarm clock. Just that alarm wasn't supposed to go off at five A.M.

Turning over with a start, he looked wide and sleepy eyed at the small device laying on his pillow. He rubbed at his eyes and reached out blindly for the cell, bringing it to his face to see who in their right mind would call him at five A.M. on a _Sunday_. He didn't recognize the number but answered anyways.

"Hello?" he croaked, his voice tired and slightly muffled by his hand as it scrubbed at his face.

"Hey there Cub!"

Dave's face fell.

Of fucking _course_.

"How the fuck did you get my phone number?"

Sebastian made a tsking sound on the other end.

"Well, _someone's_ not an early riser."

"Sebastian.." Dave said through gritted teeth, his fingers rubbing at his temples. "It's fucking five in the morning. I really don't want to hear your shit right now."

"Fine, fine. I got it from Blaine." he replied with a sigh. "I called and asked for it after seeing you at the bar."

"..How did _he_ get it?"

"I'm not exactly keeping tabs on everything that happens with Blaine Anderson, Davey." Sebastian's voice was becoming increasingly irritated. "My best guess is the little house wife of a boyfriend he has."

Dave rolled his eyes.

"Can you ever just give up on attacking Kurt, Sebastian? He isn't even in hearing range right now. And besides, it isn't like he's ever done anything to you to begin with."

"As if he has to _do_ anything. His face is more than supplement enough for insults. When you have the appearance of an old woman with a receding hairline and the body of a boy taking estrogen supplements, you're just _looking_ for insults. I'd blame genetics, but he's the one who dons clothing from the woman's section only."

"Fuck off, Sebastian. Kurt doesn't need another person insulting him in his life. Your name calling is just as bad as the homophobes who do that enough as it is."

"Oh, as if. He's not some innocent little fairy, Dave. He's fucking accountable for his mistakes just as much as you or me. I'm tired of everyone treating _me_ like _I'm_ the devil when Hummel runs around judging everyone's appearance and talents like he's the next fucking reality TV makeover show host. It's pathetic and annoying as all hell. And besides, who the fuck are _you_ to judge me for that? Aside from the slushie incident, I've never tried to cause him physical harm. From what I hear, that's not the case with you, bear cub. I've heard you've done _way_ worse."

Dave gritted his teeth.

"Don't you dare judge me, Smythe."

There was a low chuckle and a muffled sigh on the other end.

"Really? Because I heard through the grapevine that _someone_ scared the FTM impersonator into running off to Dalton. That _someone_ threatened to kill him. Even called him names on a regular basis." the warbler said, his voice dripping with venom. "Tell me, Cubby, what highly unoriginal insults did you throw at Gay Face? Things like 'fag' or 'homo'? Maybe even something gutsy like 'freak'? Obviously nothing too daring or sassed considering your inexplicable search for the farthest corners of Narnia at the time."  
   
Dave felt his face redden and his hand clench at Sebastian's words. He wanted to say something, anything really to piss off the warbler, but his mind was drawing a blank and besides he wasn't supposed to be _that guy_ anymore. When Sebastian didn't say anything, though, he just decided to go with the best counter.

"Fuck you."

As if realizing what he had just said and to whom, Sebastian began to ramble out an apology to save his ass or perhaps to calm Dave down. Dave wasn't having any of it, though. Sebastian had crossed a huge line when he had gone off on his little tirade. Dave was through with the never ending degrading that the other boy seemed unable to keep at bay around _anyone_.

"W-we're both tired and cranky and I'm sor-"

"Fuck. You." Dave said, successfully cutting off the bullshit apology Sebastian had planned. Why couldn't he ever cut a break with people? It was like the world only ever wanted to see his past mistakes. He knew he should've taken the high road and cut off the phone call before he said something he would truly regret, but it was early and David was just so _tired_.

"Dave, look-"

"No, you _look_. I'm not going to put up with your bullshit, Smythe." he said in the most intimidating voice he could muster at the ungodly hour. "You want to judge me? Fine. But maybe you should take a long look in the mirror before fucking saying _shit_ about me. I'm not some slut calling everyone else names like they're lower than I am."

He could hear Sebastian almost gawk at his words.

"I'm not a fucking slut."

Dave snorted and shook his head, the movement unseen from the receiver.

"Looks like it from where I'm standing."

Sebastian was quiet for a moment before laughing dryly, the noise unsettling to Dave's nerves.

"You know, Davey, if I'm such a slut, then why didn't I want to fuck _you_? I guess you're not even good enough for a slut."

Dave wanted to tell Sebastian to choke on something male and (preferably) diseased, but decided against it and hung up the moment the words left Sebastian's mouth.

He shut his phone and placed it on his night stand before turning over in his sheets and facing his walls, trying to ignore all the little voices in his head that told him the swarmy bastard was right. He shut his eyes, hoping it would drown out all the doubt and insecurities that continued to run through his head. Why did things with Sebastian have to be so hard? Wasn't there some way for him and Sebastian to get along without insults getting flung within moments?

And Sebastian probably didn't even know he had hit such a big nerve. Dave _hoped_ he didn't know, at least, because he sincerely didn't want the other boy to have such a big advantage on him. Knowing he was so insecure only made things riskier because Sebastian could get Dave to doubt himself within a moment's pause if he said the right words. Dave hated that he was so weak about things like appearance and his own appeal. It made him feel like a teenage girl who just couldn't handle any criticism from others.

It wasn't that he was worried about being unattractive to others; Dave had settled the fact that he was destined to a life of being single for a long time now. Dave was an overweight, eventually balding, sweaty, gay jock who didn't know a thing about how to dress. He was thick shapes and odd angles. He was weird eyebrows and baggy clothes. He was _nothing_ like the guys he was attracted to and he was pretty sure he was _nothing_ like the guys they were attracted to either.

So yeah, he was fine with being single forever. Some people just weren't meant to be with anyone, gay or straight, he guessed.

No, it was that he didn't like _other_ people realizing it. It was one thing to know yourself that no one would find you remotely good enough to date, it was another entirely for everyone else to know it as well. When other people knew it, they'd use it against you. They'd let you know whenever they could that no one wanted you.

They'd say things like 'stay in the closet'.

Or tell you to 'try, try again'.

And David may have learned that suicide wasn't the answer, but that didn't mean he didn't still consider it when things got bad. It didn't mean that every once in a while, when his dad was out signing divorce papers or when his grandparents on his mom's side would decline coming over for his birthday, he'd look at the razor in his bathroom and wonder how hard it would be to break it apart. Or if the sleeping pills would make it hurt less to drown.

If anyone asked, like his dad or Kurt, if he still thought of these things, he'd deny it on the spot because he wouldn't actually _do_ them. He just thought about them.

And that was different, right?

There wasn't any harm in _thinking_ negative things. Everyone thought about doing something drastic when they were sad. Just because David actually went through with it once and failed didn't mean he was any different or worse than all of those other people. He just had a past with the issue. No big deal.  
   
On his nightstand, he could see his phone going off _repetitively_.

 _Sebastian_ , he thought.

The phone flickered with a message on the top screen saying '7 Missed Calls'. David decided to ignore them. He really didn't feel like talking to Sebastian at the moment.

After a while, David could tell that shutting his eyes as tight as he could was paying off. He began to feel exhausted and the thoughts left his mind for long enough for him to drift to sleep.

About four hours later, David woke up and decided to get some breakfast. His dad would already be gone, seeing as he left for work at seven and it was currently nine, so he trudged through the empty house to the kitchen without knocking on his father's bedroom door. He walked over to the cabinets to the left of the refrigerator and opened one of the top ones. Looking inside, he saw that they were running low on food. He reached for a box of cereal and decided to go to the grocery store sometime that week.

He had just poured in some milk after getting it out of the fridge when there was banging at the front door, the noise loud and startling in the otherwise silent house causing him to drop his bowl of cereal onto the floor.

"Shit." he said as he leaned down to scrape up some of the dirtied cheerios. He had gotten them mostly up when the banging came again. "Just a moment!" he yelled.

He picked up the bowl and brought it to the trash can to dump out the ruined cereal, then placed it in the sink. He threw a washcloth onto the  
remaining milk on the floor and walked into the entry way. He sucked in a breath to calm his nerves and cracked open the door.

Standing on the porch was Sebastian, an almost nervous grin on his face and a bag in one hand with a drink carrier in the other. He was out of his usual uniform and instead wearing a long sleeved, dark green button up with a pair of jeans. When Sebastian didn't say anything, Dave rolled his eyes and began to shut the door, but an intruding foot kept him from shutting it.

"Hear me out." the other boy began. Dave looked at him to continue. Sebastian took a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm aware that the way I treated you was unfair and cruel. I'm sorry for that. And no, I'm not just saying that to make you believe me, I genuinely feel bad for what I said. It was a low blow even by my standards. If you don't believe me, I understand and I'll leave you alone. But if you do, then I'd still like to try being friends. And, as much as this pains me to do so, I'll ease up on Kurt. If it'll make things easier between the two of us, I'll refrain from the name calling as much as possible."

Dave looked into Sebastian's eyes for a long moment. It was probably uncomfortable but he didn't care right then. He just wanted to see if their appeared to be any honesty in his words. What he found in his stare was different than what Dave was used to seeing in the warbler. There wasn't a usual lightness, a look of mischief, but more of a look of guilt and pleading. For some reason, he felt that maybe he wasn't the only one who desperately needed a friend.

Maybe, by some weird force of the cosmos, Sebastian was also desperate for something real. He hadn't given much thought to how Sebastian lived or how he felt, but perhaps there was something there under the surface, something just as needy as every distraught teen. He wanted to figure the other boy out, wanted to know what made those green orbs look so worried about losing someone so disposable as Dave. He still worried, though, if maybe he wasn't as good at reading people as he thought he was. He worried that maybe Sebastian was simply a good actor with a fierce set of puppy eyes.

When he was silent for probably too long to seem discreet, Sebastian began to shift uncomfortably and look down at his hands.

"I brought coffee and muffins as peace offerings, if that helps. If you want me to leave, you can still keep them. No use in wasting good cafe food." he said, his voice sounding tired. Dave exhaled audibly and sidestepped, opening the door wider and looking up at Sebastian with expectant eyes. Sebastian walked in side with a swift nod of his head.

Dave closed the front door and walked into the living room, Sebastian following behind. He dropped down onto the reclining chair and watched as Sebastian sat on the couch to his left. The lanky teen reached over and handed Dave a cup of coffee, the other holding a paper bag opened in front of him. Dave accepted the drink and then let his hand slip into the outstretched bag to pull out a chocolate muffin, one eyebrow raising skeptically. Sebastian just smirked, but it wasn't even half the normal toothy smirk Dave was accustomed to. He just nodded and took a bite from the chocolate treat.

"So what were you calling for this morning, anyways?" Dave asked after taking a sip of his coffee, the liquid still hot and slightly burning on his tongue. He felt comfort in the sensation, taking him back to mornings when he was younger and would sneak away a cup before his parents caught him.

Sebastian fiddled with the lid of his coffee cup and looked down at his lap. The room fell into an uncomfortable silence as Dave continued to nibble at his breakfast. He didn't understand why his question had been seemingly ignored, but didn't want to press it just yet. Minutes passed and before long, Dave had finished the muffin and drunk half of his drink. He was just about to ask again when Sebastian spoke up.

"What are you doing about school?" he said.

Dave thought about how this could possibly pertain to Sebastian or really even their encounter earlier in the day, but he kept coming up empty. He also pondered why Sebastian would care, seeing as the both of them were in different grades and went to different schools. The curriculum had to be different, so Sebastian couldn't possibly be offering help with catching up.

"Uh, so far I'm just going to do the work from home. My dad said he was already talking to the teachers about options and getting a recommendation from the hospital." he replied. Sebastian nodded his head but still looked like he had something else on his mind. It was weird seeing him hesitant.

"Have you considered Dalton?" he asked.

Dave and his dad had thought about it, but seeing as his dad wasn't the richest man, neither thought they could afford the costs. Dave also felt like transferring to the same school he had made Kurt transfer to seemed pathetic and just a little ironic in a way that he didn't care to admit.

"Honestly, I don't think my dad has enough money to make it work. He and my mom are getting a divorce and we're living off of his income only." Dave began. "Besides, wouldn't it be weird if I went to the same school Kurt went to to get away from me so I can get away from the assholes at my school?"

Sebastian appeared to consider it, nodding his head slightly but still not looking convinced. He smiled a little in a way Dave wasn't used to seeing Sebastian smile. It wasn't the mischievous one; it was more soft and contemplative.

"I wouldn't say it would be _weird_. Ironic, definitely, but the guys at Dalton wouldn't fault you for something like that when it's in your past now. Besides, they _did_ all perform with me in your name for regionals. I'd say they've understood that you're different now."

Dave furrowed his brow.

"What are you talking about?" he asked confusedly.

"I see no one told you." Sebastian said, a little bit of his smugness in place. "I asked the Warblers to perform in your honor and take donations for the Born This Way foundation. I felt terrible after.. well, you know, so I wanted to make it up by helping in whatever way I could. We lost, but we still got a good amount of donations. I'll admit I actually felt a little better after we finished despite our loss."

Dave stopped himself from gaping at Sebastian. He certainly wasn't expecting such an act of kindness from the other boy. He knew that part of that kindness was resulted from guilt, but the fact that Sebastian had done anything to try to make right his wrongs seemed amazing. He figured he wasn't one to judge how long or what events had to happen to make someone want to change, so he let the fact that it took Dave almost dying for Sebastian to realize he needed to stop judging others so harshly go. At least he was making an effort, and that was all that mattered. Dave knew it was hard sometimes to see the error of your ways and to work on bettering yourself.

"Thanks, I guess. That's.. That was really nice of you, Sebastian." he said after a moment. Sebastian gave that small smile again and Dave found himself liking that smile as time progressed. It was there only for a moment, though, before Sebastian replaced it with his usual careless look.

"Actually, Cubby. Dalton does give out scholarships, and seeing as the school year only has a few months left, they might be willing to work with you and your dad." Sebastian offered. "How are your grades?"

Dave had actually been able to bring up his grades since transferring, something he was grateful for. His junior year saw him at a C or D average in most classes, but he had worked and fixed that grade when he went to Thurston. He was getting straight A's with only the occasional B. He guessed that transferring did have some perks, despite the utter horribleness of his last few weeks at the school.

"Mostly A's with a B or two. Why?"

Sebastian's smile grew more smug and he shrugged his shoulders.

"As I said, scholarship. You should really talk to the school. Get that recommendation from your doctor and ask. It wouldn't hurt anything. Besides, Dalt0n would be perfect for you. They have a zero tolerance policy and they're entirely gay friendly. I've never once been judged for my sexuality there. I think you'd like it."

Dave bit his lip. He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to go or if maybe the idea of being somewhere other than stuck in his house was just appealing to him. Sebastian had made a good point, though, and he figured he'd have to consider it and talk with his dad.

"I'll talk to my dad about it. Then maybe the school if he thinks it's a good idea." Dave said. "I'm not saying that I'll go for sure, but I'll consider it. Thanks for suggesting it."

Sebastian smiled and stood up.

"Definitely look into it, Dave. I think it would be the best option for you, personally." He looked down to the watch on his wrist. "I have to get going. Got a shrink to see."

Dave stood to let Sebastian out and opened the front door for him. The other boy turned to look at Dave and did a send off with his hand. He was just about to get in the car when Dave decided to ask.

"We still on for hanging out some time?" he yelled. Sebastian turned to look at him and smirked.

"Only if you promise not to get pissed the moment I fuck up."

Dave rolled his eyes but couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.

"I guess I'll see you soon then, Smythe."

Sebastian laughed as he got in his car.

"You too, Karofsky."

Dave watched as the car pulled out the driveway and down the road. He closed the front door as he went inside then walked into the kitchen and almost immediately fell on his ass upon standing on the dish towel. After cleaning up the milk and throwing away his now empty coffee cup, he went up to his room and onto his laptop. He had a school to look into before his dad got home.


	3. Pointlessly

**3\. Pointlessly**

Sebastian had always hated Sundays. That much was a given. Sundays were the days where you sat around aimlessly waiting for Monday, which usually sucked as well. It came after Saturday, when things didn't seem so bad and you could almost believe you were having a good time until Sunday rolled back around. This Sunday in particular really bothered Sebastian. If arguing with a tired teenage boy at five hadn't been enough, trying to make up with said boy and get to an appointment made matters worse. So that's how he ended up driving just a little too fast down a highway with his nerves so strung out he could swear the lightest of touches could make him snap.  
  
Sebastian's hand almost itched to turn the radio's knob on the dashboard. He wanted nothing more than to drown out his thoughts with some mindless top forties songs and to ignore the ever growing nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. It had been bad enough that he had gone out of his way to try to smooth things over with David, he just had to had stopped at the Lima Bean and gotten those fucking muffins and coffees.  
  
Of course, there was a more logical part of him that reminded himself that _yes_ , it had been a fantastic idea to bribe a tired and more than likely hungry Dave with coffee and a muffin. He was glad the other boy had accepted them so easily and that he had listened to Sebastian attempt being nice and apologizing, something entirely foreign to him. He still wished it hadn't taken so much time.  
  
Mainly because now he was rushing to get to a shrink who knew nothing about him and to whom the sentiment was returned. He wasn't scared; Smythes don't get scared. He was only worried that this bitch would turn out like the last bitch or the man-bitch before that. He was worried that his search for a shrink who actually worked would be once again done in vain. Sebastian was simply tired of dealing with the shit that was practiced psychiatry.  
  
The road ahead of him was decidedly undistracting, though, and allowed his thoughts to wander. Scattered ideas of why he was suddenly feeling a small sense of desperation to have a friend and why of all people he had found Dave to be the perfect man for the job. He guessed it had partial rooting with Dave's suicide attempt and Sebastian's own snide remarks edging the boy closer to his metaphorical cliff.  Yet Sebastian knew there had to be more to it. He wouldn't decide someone was worthy of his time simply out of pity and besides he was sure that was _not_ what Dave was looking for.  
  
So that meant there was something about David Karofsky that intrigued Sebastian. Or at the very least piqued his interest.  
  
His other guess at it was that, and he wasn't entirely sure _how_ , David could see past his defenses. He only thought this because when Dave would look at Sebastian, it was entirely different than the way most of society, most of his so called Dalton friends even, would look at him. It was as if he was looking for another layer to Sebastian, a layer which Sebastian knew was there but never let others see because letting others see meant getting hurt. And Sebastian was the kind who couldn't afford to get hurt.  
  
All in all, he found himself both terrified and considerate of David. He was genuine when he said he wanted to be friends because for once Sebastian thought it might not be the worst idea. It might even be a good one if he didn't fuck things up before they ever even started. And boy, was that starting to sound like a big _if_.  
  
Sebastian looked out again at the windshield and took in the rain as it began to lightly drizzle, the weather too warm to sustain snow and too cold to make the rain bearable once he got out of the car. He had always had a love hate relationship with rain and today was no different. Sebastian thought that maybe if he were someone more symbolic he'd think about what the rain could mean for his impending visit. He wasn't very symbolic though and only thought it meant this was _Ohio_ and _February_ and that he wouldn't be seeing nothing but ugly, long highways with horrendous minivans left and right in _France_.  
  
After what felt like a stretch of road that went on forever, Sebastian finally found himself cruising into Westerville. Knowing the way to the office without even having met his newest therapist felt like it was saying something, but he let that thought rest comfortably in the back of his mind and pulled into a parking lot. He parked the car and dodged his way into the building, his hand immediately going up to save him from having wet, long bangs dripping down his forehead. Sebastian usually prided himself on being fairly masculine even with being an obvious twink, but his hair was a different issue and it wasn't based entirely in self image. It just wasn't particularly fun to have his hair flat and sticky from hair care product and rain.  
  
Walking into the reception area, Sebastian went through the usual routine. Smile casually at the receptionist, fill out the ever so boring form, wait patiently only to be called in at random by the therapist of the month.

And bingo, there it was.  
  
He didn't, however, expect his newest therapist to be so _old._ Not in the rude way that teenagers would call forty somethings and fifty somethings old, but the way you would call your grandmother old when describing her. It wasn't a harsh sense of the word, simply the truth.  
  
The office was a soft reddish-brown hue with book cases filled to the brim on both sides. He chanced a glance at the book selection and was surprised to not see theory books or any other type of book you'd expect at a shrink's office, but books by authors that people actually read. Popular authors, really. He speculated why internally but decided not to question it aloud until he got to know the woman better.  
  
 _If_ he did, rather.  
  
Sebastian eased himself into a chair across from the desk and casually gave the rest of the room a once over before returning his gaze to the surprisingly kind eyed woman in front of him. Her smile was soft and cornered with deep laugh lines, her face inviting and hinting at a beauty from some time long ago. She had soft greyed curls tucked into a loose bun behind her head, pinned with a rose clip at the root, and a traditional woman's suit jacket and skirt. Her eyes were a milky shade of hazel that stood out shockingly against her olive complexion. Behind the details he could tell that this woman was beautiful and could easily picture her as what most would consider a fox in her youth.  
  
"I've heard a lot about you, Mr. Smythe. My name is Mrs. Tareff." she said, her voice apparently just as inviting and with the hint of an accent he couldn't place. It was so subtle that he thought it must have been subdued from years in America or around family members who didn't hold an accent. Sebastian kept his face complacent for the time being and continued to stare on, only giving a terse nod in acknowledgement. The woman's smile didn't falter.  
  
"So do you wish to tell me about yourself or is this going to be one of those sessions where neither of us bother to comment?" She had a knowing smile in place, as if the routine was almost old to her. Sebastian just shrugged and picked at the fabric of his shirt, watching the stray string break off when he pulled harder. The quiet stretched out a great deal of time before she finally decided to speak again. "Let's just see what your past doctors have left in your file for me."  
  
She opened up a drawer from behind the desk and rummaged through folders until pulling out a thick one with a paper clipped paper with Sebastian's name on it at the corner. She opened the file and glanced through the notes. Sebastian guessed there wasn't much in there that would be personal, seeing as therapists tended to keep that information private, but knew that important things like contact information and probably a list of prescribed medication. She kept her face set with a neutral smile and closed the folder, gingerly placing it back in the drawer and looking back to Sebastian.  
  
"I'm not going to push you to speak with me, Sebastian. If you'd prefer to keep quiet, we can spend our sessions together doing just that." she said. "I will have to tell your parents about lack of progress when asked, but I firmly believe in waiting for you to open up to me."  
  
He looked away from her to stare up at the ceiling, leaning his head against the back of the chair. The leather of the cushion was cool on his neck and the ceiling was covered in swirl like ripples of paint. He wondered without reason about how people created these blank ceiling with sharp ripples and random shapes. The silence felt almost too loud, though, and he looked down once again at the woman. He sighed and rubbed at his temples quickly.  
  
"I don't want to tell you my life's story or go into details about everything that's happened with me lately. I hate introductions honestly." he said. She nodded her head in affirmation and he continued. "I hate how you always feel the need to tell your therapist that. How they'll ask when something started like you actually keep track of those sort of things. So I'm not going to do that here. I'm going to tell you about what I want to and you can ask me questions about that. Well, besides when it started or when I started feeling something or whatever other bullshit questions that have the word start in them."  
  
Her smile widened fractionally and she yet again nodded.  
  
"So, there's this guy and- well first off you need to know that I'm about as queer as a three dollar bill. If there's a problem with that then we won't work to begin with." When she didn't object but simply sat there quietly, Sebastian exhaled and looked back up at the ceiling, tired of seeing her imploring smile. "So. There's this guy. I may or may not have been a total dick to him when I thought he was hitting on me at a bar. I told him some harsh stuff about his looks and then he left me alone. A few weeks ago I found out this guy tried to hang himself. Turns out he knows some people I know or at least they know _of_ him and word got around. They didn't know about the incident with us. I panicked at first because I thought it was my fault somehow. I went on facebook the day the told me and saw this guy getting shit thrown at him left and right and broke down crying for like thirty minutes."  
  
Sebastian leaned back farther in the chair and let his legs push down into the carpet more. He closed his eyes and let his head rest on the cushion again.  
  
"The thing is, I never cry. I just _don't_. But seeing all of that hate on his profile and realizing I was just as much scum as these douchebags really fucked with me. I couldn't even look at myself without feeling sick for at least a day or two. I didn't really know him, just knew his name and that he used to go to school with someone I know, but this was still some guy that I could have _helped_ and instead I made him feel even worse. I didn't know he was going to be outed by someone at his school and then bullied relentlessly, but I still felt like I could have done _something_.  
  
Anyway. Point is, I was a dick to the guy and then he tried to kill himself. My last shrink told me a while back I should try to make a real friend instead of keeping the string of fake one I have. I didn't really care then, but I decided a few days ago that maybe it was something I might actually need. So I figured, what better person than the guy I could have helped? I go to the same bar the other night, and there he is. So I apologize. Ask him to be friends. Surprisingly, he agrees. Now I'm just trying to see if it'll work somehow because he - Dave, Dave's his name by the way - he seems like a genuinely nice guy deep down. Temperamental, but nice. And I sorta want to help him somehow. Show him that he still has people here for him and that being gay isn't so bad. I just.. I'm kind of worried I'll fuck it up like I fuck up everything else."  
  
She was quiet through all of it and Sebastian was beginning to think maybe this lady would never talk when she spoke again.  
  
"Not that I think it isn't a good idea for the two of you to become friends, but do you think some of the regret you feel is due to your own attempt and how you wish others had prevented it?" she asked.  
  
Sebastian suddenly felt colder and warmer at once. Part of him wanted to do nothing more than run out the door but he stayed glued to his chair. He thought that maybe he really _was_ glued because he didn't think he could move at all, he just couldn't _move_. He calmed his breathing and kept his eyes closed, counting down in his head until he wasn't as nervous or unreasonably agitated. He hated how he was always like that when people talked about suicide, how he would always freeze up right away or suddenly feel like punching someone.  
  
He figured it was just left over baggage from trying to off his self, but it didn't take away the panicky feeling he got when the subject was brought up. It had been _years_. Feeling triggered by something that happened so long ago seemed pointless.  
  
"Are you alright?" Mrs. Tareff said. He nodded his head and exhaled slowly.  
  
"Just don't like talking about that. Brings back old memories." he replied. Which wasn't really a lie. He did hate thinking about that point in his life. He had worked hard to force the memory to the back of his mind, to forget those two months in a hospital facility surrounded by other 'troubled' teens. It wasn't a high point for him. Three years had really changed things. He wasn't that boy anymore. He didn't think he'd even recognize that boy now. "To be honest? Yes. I do think part of it is because I know what he's going through, but that isn't the sole reason. No one even knows about that here and I plan on keeping it that way. No one needs to know that I was a stupid, whiny teenager like everyone else. I'm sixteen now. I was thirteen back then. I've moved on from that. I just think maybe I can help him through this. He doesn't need to know, but I know what it feels like and maybe that'll be enough because I'll know better than his other friends and family what he needs to hear."  
  
He slowly opened his eyes and looked back to the woman, his eyes feeling almost heavy in his head. He tried hard to forget about the why to his attempt. He didn't need to think about that right now. His problems weren't important and he didn't need to talk about that. He hoped he never would.   
  
Mrs. Tareff regarded him silently with soft eyes. She glanced from his face to the wall behind him and then down to her desk, obviously thinking over her words.  
  
"I think that this could be good for you." she said. "Befriending him. It could be good for you and him. I just want you to remember, Mr. Smythe, that you shouldn't close yourself off from your emotions. If the two of you grow close then by all means open up to him. If he opens up to you, I think it may be good for you to return the gesture. You seem to close your self off from others a lot, and if it's true that you haven't got many other close friends-"  
  
"Any." he interrupted. She paused and smiled despite herself.  
  
"Any close friends, than it would be good for you to have this one. You deserve to be yourself around someone."  
  
Sebastian nodded mutely and looked down into his lap, his hands wringing seemingly of their own accord. He didn't think it would be easy to open up to anyone. Didn't know if he even wanted to. Just knew that somehow he knew she was right and yet he still didn't know if he could go through with it. It seemed so dangerous to be open with someone like that. His own family rarely knew how he felt about things, telling someone who was only a teenager like himself seemed weird.  
  
Sebastian vaguely wondered when he had become this. When did he close himself off from others, making sure to never say what he was feeling or what he really wanted? When did things like being sad begin to feel weak and when did liking someone begin to seem trivial? He didn't have to question it long because he knew, just didn't want to face the answer. Not right now. Hopefully he'd just always push it back. He didn't think he'd ever be ready to think about that.  
  
Mrs. Tareff glanced up at the clock and her smile fell slightly. Sebastian wondered how time had slipped past so quickly, he didn't think it seemed possible to have already been an hour. They hadn't really gotten much even done, if there was anything to _get_ done.  
  
"So, next Sunday I guess I'll be seeing you again. Same time, same place." she said with a small laugh. "It was nice meeting you, Sebastian. I know that we don't particularly know each other yet, but I believe this was a sufficient first session."  
  
Sebastian chanced a smile and stood up awkwardly, nudging out the room without another word. He walked down the hall way and into the waiting room again before bracing himself for the rain. He opened the front door with one hand and covered his hair with the other, running as quick as he could to where his car was parked. Once inside, he dropped his forehead against the steering wheel and closed his eyes.  
  
Breathing in and out, he calmed his thoughts and tried to push aside the underlining sadness he felt. He couldn't deal with this right now. It was all too much for him. He just needed to get his mind off of things. He just needed to forget about today. Possibly about his life, for just a little while.  
  
When he got home twenty minutes later, he noticed the absence of either of his parents cars.  
  
 _Figures,_ he thought. _Not like they have a teenage son to stay home for or anything._  
  
He had become so used to his parents not being home that it was ridiculous. Sometimes they would be gone for weeks, even a month and a half once, and they would leave Sebastian with only credit cards, cash, and the promise of missing him while they were gone. It seemed like that's all it ever was, though. If they really missed him, he realized, they would _stay_ every once and awhile. And yet, that never happened. So Sebastian had resigned himself to a life without the distraction of his family. He decided to live while he could and do whatever made him happy, fuck responsibility.  
  
That day, for example, was going to be one of those days. He headed for the kitchen the moment he got in the house and straight to the wine bottles in the side door of the refrigerator, grabbing the first one in his sights and taking it with him to his room. On his door, there was a carefully taped note that read, _'Your father's trip was extended and we couldn't make it home this week. I asked Rita to leave some sealed off food in the fridge. We're sorry honey and we miss you. Love, Mom'._ Sebastian huffed and ripped the paper off, before crumpling it up and throwing it into the bin beside his door. He searched through his desk for a bottle opener and took out the cork, then flopped onto his bed and started on the bottle.  
  
Some days Sebastian just couldn't take the world and this day was no different. He tried desperately to drink until thoughts of boys who couldn't take no for an answer and family members who didn't care if you died left his mind. It was to no avail but the alcohol made him feel warm and fuzzy, dulling the pain just enough for him to pretend things were okay for a little while.  
  
So he did. He imagined a world where his first time was with a sweet boy who really loved him. Where he didn't resort to sleeping with every man he could just because he didn't want sex to mean something. Because in Sebastian's world it couldn't. Not anymore. He thought of a world where when he was in the hospital for those first few days, practically begging his grandparents to visit, that they did. That his family wasn't ashamed of him for being the mess he was. That maybe he wouldn't even be a mess if his parents would only stay sometimes.  
  
He imagined it all and almost laughed because he knew that it was all just a big joke. This was the life he had been dealt and he needed to suck up and deal with it. He needed to simply put the past behind him and focus on the future. Besides, he was only sixteen. He had his whole life ahead of him. He could set things right. He could clean up and stop messing around. He could even stop drinking every time his parents were gone and he was sad. Maybe he could really work things out with Dave and gain a good friend.  
  
But even those thoughts seemed abstract. What difference did it make for his whole life to be ahead of him when it would only be just as fucked up as his present? He'd probably never do any of those things. And if he were being completely honest with himself, he really thought being friends with Dave was probably a disaster waiting to happen. The odds of him being a good friend to Dave and him hurting Dave worse than he already had were pretty uneven, the latter winning out by a landslide.  
  
Soon enough he had drunk most of the bottle and it was dark outside, no longer the grey color with blues mixed in but an ugly grey that seemed to be devoid of all other colors. He hated it just as much as he hated the cold rainy day it had been. A rainy night didn't sound much better and if it began storming Sebastian was almost positive he was going to start crying. He hated storms and he was beginning to feel fairly intoxicated, leaving Sebastian vulnerable and highly likely to do something stupid like cry. Only seemed befitting, though.  
  
Sebastian drifted off before being awoken by the first roar of thunder. He shook as he sat up, feeling hot tears already streaming down his face.  
  
Sebastian really hated Sundays.


	4. Hopefully

**4\. Hopefully**

Dave's first thoughts about the place are that it's an endless fucking building and that he didn't really know when his life turned into him running away to stay at gay Hogwarts.

Dave tried to pay attention to what the dean was saying to his dad, but he couldn't when he couldn't take his eyes off the place. The hallways were huge, the staircases were huge, hell even the ceilings were huge. It was just all so big that Dave thought he was going to get lost in a sea of people, rooms, and chandeliers. It's not that he wasn't expecting it, it's just that seeing it in person and thinking about it are two entirely different things and seeing Dalton Academy in the brick was pretty overwhelming. Vaguely, he could make out that the dean was asking his dad about boarding possibilities and if Dave was going to stay on campus or off. Dave wondered then what Sebastian did and immediately mentally slapped himself for letting the other boy be his first question instead of wondering what his dad was planning on Dave doing. They hadn't really talked much about the possibility.

But his dad just smiled and said that he'd stay off campus for now and that if things were to change he'd let her know. Dave figured that was for the best anyhow, seeing as he didn't know if he'd even know anyone staying at the school almost all of the time. The only person he knew was Sebastian and even if he was an on campus student, Dave wasn't sure he could handle being around Sebastian that long. The school day would be weird enough, no need to add in the morning and night.

Soon after, the dean told Dave to wait outside the office while they found a student to show him around the school. Dave's dad was staying with the dean and discussing further about Dave's education and she kindly told Dave he would be better off being shown the school than sitting around listening to them talk about technical stuff. Dave thought that made him sound like a little kid but didn't argue and stood outside patiently.

It was only a few moments after he had stood outside the door when he saw Sebastian turn the corner and come walking up to him, smirk in place.

"So you talked with him, huh?" Sebastian asked. Dave rolled his eyes but nodded. "Well, welcome to Dalton, bearcub."

"How do you know I'm actually staying or if I'm visiting?" Dave asked. Sebastian shook his head and let out a small laugh that made Dave sort of annoyed in the sense that Sebastian seemed to make him a lot.

"Because I was told to direct a new _student_ around the school, not a visitor." he replied, an air of smugness in his voice. "Pretty sure that entails that you are in fact a student here at Dalton."

Dave sighed almost audibly and got up from where he was leaning against the wall to walk over to Sebastian.

"So you're supposed to be showing me around then?" Dave asked. Sebastian just nodded and started walking off in the direction behind Dave. Dave turned and followed, a little confused as to where they were actually going.

"Okay, so first stop. The dining hall. It's down this corridor and it's easiest just to show you that first." Sebastian said. Dave nodded mutely. They arrived at the entrance way to a large room that had tables and chairs set up all about it, with an attached entrance to what appeared to be the kitchen off in the one corner. "We're served breakfast, lunch, and dinner here at eight o' clock, twelve o' clock, and six o' clock. Dinner is depending on if you're staying on grounds."

"Nah, Dad felt more comfortable with me staying at home."

Sebastian hummed and began walking away yet again, this time down the same corridor and up to some steps.

"I live off campus, too. Couldn't stand the thought of being stuck at this school all of the time. It just seemed sort of overkill and my parents were fine with me not boarding here." he said as he walked up the steps. They reached the top and Sebastian showed and explained each of the necessary classrooms to Dave, noting how Dave should probably treat certain teachers and what things he could get away with. This went on for about an hour or so before Sebastian walked with Dave to the coffee shop they had in the school. It was a smallish lounge area with a student barista working there. Sebastian went up to the counter with Dave at his side.

"Go find a table for us to sit at, Cubby. I'll be there in a few after I get us some drinks. How do you like your coffee?" Sebastian asked.

"Black." Sebastian raised a brow. "What?"

"Nothing, just didn't picture you as the black coffee type."

Dave shifted his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Sebastian was looking him over with an almost studying gaze and Dave found it hard to meet his eyes. It was as if Sebastian was trying to figure him out. Like there was some angle to Dave he was trying to find. He didn't know why Sebastian had a habit of doing that. He'd seen him look people over often times, usually a quick glance, but often with Dave it was long and conflicted. What was so special about Dave that caused him to try to decipher him? Dave thought for sure that these days he was as easy to read as book. Hell, he might have always been that way. People in Lima were sort of oblivious.

Finally, Sebastian lifted his eyes back to the coffee menu.

"So, uh, do you need any money or..?" Dave replied. He honestly didn't have much on him, but he could spare three or four bucks if need be. Sebastian shook his head with an amused look.

"That wouldn't be very mannerly of me, now would it?" he replied. "No, Cub, I don't need your money. I was planning on paying for both drinks. Now go sit down somewhere."

Dave gave a small smile, feeling awkward, and walked over to the lounge area. The whole place was empty and Dave figured that it must have been because of the time of day. Everyone must have been in class and the cafe was probably only open to help visitors or teachers on break. Dave looked over the various tables and decided on a table beside one of the windows over looking the courtyard. It had been a relatively nice day in comparison to the rainy, cold weekend and it was nice to see the sun peaking out from behind the clouds again.

Dave idly frayed pieces of a napkin he had taken out of a holder at the table. Growing up, Dave had always had a bad habit of picking things apart without realizing he was doing so. His mom would always scold him when he'd rip tiny holes into his t-shirts or when he'd fray the hems. It was a nervous habit of his that had apparently carried over into his teens, but Dave found it calming in a weird sense. And Dave needed calm while he was at Dalton.

He knew it wasn't a big deal and that he was probably over thinking things, but being at Dalton felt so much more significant than everyone was making it out to be. The irony of being bullied into attending the school really didn't escape him. He tried to ignore the guilt that kept building in the pit of his stomach the longer he stayed, tried to keep his thoughts from focusing on everything he'd done in the past.

Dave hated that there was no rewind button in life because if he could go back, he knew he would. It would have made things so much easier for him. He would have came out to his parents long before being outed, maybe even in 9th grade when he first figured out why he always felt extremely uncomfortable around other boys. He would have done what he really wanted through out high school and not what everyone just expected of him (joining the home ec class came to mind; he always wanted to be able to show off his cooking skills).

And he would have tried to be friends with Kurt.

He wouldn't have bullied him or called him names or shoved him into lockers. He would have been caring and shown Kurt that he'd always be there. He would have stood up to anyone who would try to lay a hand on him. And he would have tried to sweep Kurt off his feet, type or no type.

Except he knew that it was all just wishful thinking. Life had no rewind and he was stuck in the situation he was in. He was stuck at Dalton and stuck with a shitty life. It wasn't what he wanted, but he knew that it was all he had. Sometimes you get dealt a bad card, he figured, but that didn't mean you should give up on the game.

Whilst still thinking of all of the ways he'd fix things if he could, Sebastian must have finished getting the drinks because it wasn't long before he came back with drinks in hand. He turned to look back at the barista behind the counter and gave his most charming grin and a wink. Dave could practically feel the blush on the other guy's face as Sebastian sat down across from Dave.

"You know, there's a time and a place to flirt and I'm pretty sure it isn't here or now, Smythe." Dave said with a sigh. Sebastian slid the coffee to Dave and looked up with a raised brow.

"I think any time or place will do. If there's someone catching my eye, why should I wait for a better setting?" he replied. "Plus, who knows. Could just be the love of my life behind that counter."

Sebastian picked up his cup and let his tongue guide the straw into his mouth, making a very dramatic and _deliberate_ display while doing so.

"You're a real comedian, Sebastian." Dave said. "I'm not an idiot. Basically everyone who's ever met you knows you're not the romance type."

Sebastian smirked and flicked his tongue out to lap away a stray drop of coffee.

"Oh really? And what _type_ exactly am I, Cubby?"

"I'm not getting into this." Dave shook his head and took a sip of his coffee, letting the hot liquid hit the back of his throat and make his lips tingle.

"No, really, come on. What type am I?"

Dave swallowed back his drink and took a deep breath.

"You're the type of guy who has sex all of the time to compensate for something else missing in his life." he said. Sebastian's smirk slowly began to fall. "You're the type of guy who uses people for what he wants and never has any true friends because he's too afraid to even _try_ to let someone into his life. And honestly, you're the type of guy other people feel bad for because he doesn't know how to feel bad for himself."

Sebastian's usual grin was entirely gone now and Dave almost regretted his words, but he really couldn't bring himself to feel bad when he meant every word he had said. Maybe it was harsh, but Dave wasn't in the mood to be anything but honest, and Sebastian _had_ asked.

They both remained in silence for a few moments, the cafe suddenly becoming eerily silent with nothing but the sounds of the barista cleaning his work space in the background.

"So what do you think of Dalton, so far?" Sebastian asked suddenly, bringing his hand up to rub at his temples, his eyes closing and his head leaning into the palm of his hand.

Dave shrugged and went back to picking at his napkin.

"It's okay, I guess."

Sebastian huffed.

"Just _'okay'_? That's really all you got?" he said from behind his hand. "I would have thought for sure with the mood you've been in I'd at least get a _'it fucking sucks'_ or _something._ I'm quite disappointed in you, bearcub."

Dave looked up and narrowed his eyes. There was a large part of him that wanted to reach across the table and literally slap his tour guide. Why was Sebastian so intent on rousing him up? He hadn't even been angry with Sebastian at first. Why couldn't things be easy with them for _once_?

"You want to know what I really think, Smythe?"

Sebastian lifted his head and looked Dave straight on.

"That's what I said, _Karofsky_."

Dave put down his napkin and folded his arms across his chest.

"Fine, then. I think it fucking sucks that I have to spend three _minutes_ here, no less three _months_." he said. "And I hate that this place makes me feel like such a fucking _coward_. It makes me feel like utter shit to even be here."

Sebastian raised a brow again.

"Why does it make you feel like a coward to be here?" he asked, a genuine look of confusion on his face.

"Because.." Dave looked back down to the napkin, wishing a better way to phrase his answer would magically appear. "Because I'm running away from my problems like always. It's like nothing's changed; just the setting and the situation. No matter what I do, I'm always running away from everything. Once things get even a little hard, I try to run in any way I can. When I was still so deep in the fucking closet I couldn't find my way out without a compass, I ran away by pushing Kurt around and calling everyone names. When I was black mailed and tried to _'change'_ , I ran away by switching schools after a fucked up prom. And when some dickheads decided to fucking _out_ me, I ran away by tying a noose around my neck."

Dave's skin itched and felt all too tight. He wanted to run away right then, to be honest. He wanted to just get up and leave the angry conversations with Sebastian behind him. Trying to talk about these things only ever made him angry and Dave had worked so hard to not _be_ that person anymore. Any anger now felt like a step in the wrong direction and he was tired of going backwards through life. But he part of him knew that running away because he couldn't control his own anger would be even weaker than having to go to the school to begin with.

That didn't mean that he wasn't being taunted with the urge to leave without another word.

Sebastian's eyes were widened fractionally and he looked at Dave surprised. Dave uncrossed his arms. He began crumpling the napkin pieces in his hand and looked away from Sebastian's eyes, trying to avoid that stare that seemed to crawl under his skin and make him ache with the need to leave.

"You know, I didn't ask for any of this shit. I didn't ask to be.." Dave stopped and sighed. He could see Sebastian lean back in his chair in the very edge of his view. "I didn't ask to be gay or for life to be this complicated. I mean, is it karma that's ruining my life? Because I'm pretty sure that's the only way my life would make sense, that some cosmic force has deemed me a worthy enough asshole and has decided to fuck up everything they can with me."

Sebastian sighed from across the table and looked down at his drink.

"Newsflash, bearcub, no one _'asks for this shit'_. No one ever actually wants to have to deal with all of the problems life hands them." he said, picking pointlessly at his drink straw. "But honestly? If we didn't have things happen to us, we wouldn't be able to weed out the weak from the strong."

Dave tensed and struggled to not leave.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he said rather loudly. The barista glanced over, but kept himself busy with his counter and looked away as soon as Dave caught his gaze.

Sebastian's eyes widened again and a look of realization dawned on his features. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it just as quick and shook his head.

"No, nope. I'm not doing this anymore." he said. Sebastian pointed at Dave. "Look here, Cubby, if we're _ever_ going to make this happen, than I need to stop apologizing every time I say something that even _slightly_ ruffles your feathers and _you_ need to stop letting me ruffle them to begin with."

Dave rolled his eyes and decided he was done. Sebastian was not going to be allowed to insult him on the principle of being an asshole. He moved to stand and Sebastian quickly shot out a hand to try to push him back down.

"So that's it? You're going to run away again just because I said something that you took in the completely wrong way?" he questioned with a shake of his head and a squint of his eyes. "I didn't mean _that_ , David. I meant that it's things like what happened to you that _make_ strong people, not that what happened to you made you weak. I meant the exact opposite, and if you had stayed seated long enough and had thought about it for more than two seconds, you would have realized that. Or at least you could have asked and I would have kindly explained myself better."

Dave slumped back into his chair and thought over what Sebastian had said. He hated to admit it, but he figured he was right. If he had just sat down and asked Sebastian what he actually meant by what he'd said instead of jumping conclusions and trying to leave, he probably wouldn't have been any where near as mad as he had felt seconds earlier. It kind of scared him how easy it was to not listen to reason some times and to instead go with blind instinct.

And even if Sebastian had meant what he had said in the sense that Dave had thought of, it wouldn't change the fact that Dave needed to stop running away. If Sebastian had meant that attempting suicide made Dave weak, then maybe Dave needed someone who would be upfront with him about something like that. Kurt always shied away from the absolute truth and tried to say things that encouraged Dave and made him feel better, but in the end Dave just wanted the truth, not a bunch of words to comfort him.

If Sebastian was going to be that person, the one to be upfront and say honestly that Dave didn't know how to deal with his shit, then so be it. Dave could deal with it. He just had to stop letting himself become so irritated by what Sebastian said and take it at face value.

"You're right." Dave said. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."

Sebastian relaxed and took back his hand from where it had been on Dave's forearm. Dave noted that Sebastian had oddly long hands and his skin felt almost cold from the loss of added body heat.

"Good. Good." he said slowly. "Because I'm hoping I'm not going to have to explain myself twenty-four seven."

Dave rolled his eyes again.

"No, you're not going to have to explain yourself to me all of the time. I'm not stupid."

"Oh, I know. I saw some of your testing scores. You're pretty intelligent, bearcub. Not going to lie, I didn't expect you to be some sort of secret genius like that."

"I'm not a genius."

Sebastian shrugged.

"Close enough."

Dave finished off his drink and put the tattered remains of his napkin in the empty coffee cup.

"Why do you do that?" Sebastian asked with a questioning brow raised high on his forehead.

"Do what?"

"Break up your napkins. It seems pointless. You didn't even use it first. You just wasted a perfectly good napkin to.. what? Take out your anger?"

"I've done it since I was little. I think it's a nervous habit, not really anger fueled. I don't normally do it, only when I'm really nervous."

"Which I take you are today?"

"Yeah. This whole school makes me feel uneasy."

Sebastian glanced over the lounge and casually rolled his neck with a sigh. Dave thought he looked a cat in the way he normally moved, but now seeing him stretching made him positive that Sebastian was some sort of Abyssinian in a past life.

"I'm sorry about before." Dave said. "I think it's actually a good thing that you always seem to give your honest opinion. I don't really have anyone else treating me that way and I sort of missed it. Everyone seems to just sugar coat things with me and I'm pretty fed up with it."

Sebastian nodded, looking a little distracted.

"Especially when you're friends with Hummel. He'll try to go easy on you about everything." he said. Sebastian looked up and to Dave. "That's not what you need right now, Dave. You need someone who's going to give you a dose of the real world without trying to purposely hurt you. Else wise you'll end up way too weak to make it in the real world on your own."

Dave nodded. Sebastian was right. If Dave became so used to being treated like the world was rainbows and butterflies, he'd eventually begin to believe it. And if he believed it, the real world would tear him a new one. He was already so vulnerable, even if he hated to admit it, and if someone could test that vulnerability and help him grow tougher skin maybe he'd be okay when he did go out there on his own.

Sebastian's eyes raked up and down Dave and Dave suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable. Sebastian's usual smirk was slowly coming back into place.

"Plus, if you ever intend on getting laid, you're going to need someone to show you the ropes of _'getting a guy to like you'._ " he said, a knowing look on his face. Dave sputtered and felt his face heating up just slightly.

"I don't- I'm not looking to get- Fuck.." he started, internally cursing himself for screwing up his words so easily. "I'm not looking to get laid, Sebastian. I was just-"

"Besides, Hummel couldn't teach you shit in that department. He barely has any knowledge about the good things being gay entails anyways. Far as I know, him and Blaine were blushing virgins before each other. Hell, I don't know how he landed Blaine anyways."

Dave's stomach had already sank by the time Sebastian had started talking again. It's not like he expected Kurt to have not done _anything_ with Blaine, but Sebastian acted as if they had already.. gone the distance, and as much as Dave hated it, he still had a tiny ounce of hope that he and Kurt could somehow end up with each other. It was a pipe dream, he knew, but it still lingered in the back of his mind. You don't get rid of unresolved feelings like that so quickly, dramatic life change or no dramatic life change. It would probably take some time for him to get over Kurt.

"Earth to David?" Sebastian said, interrupting Dave's thoughts with a hand wave a few inches away from his face. Dave snapped out of his thoughts and sighed.

"Can we not talk about getting laid and Kurt? Please?"

Sebastian looked a little confused by the sudden request and leaned back into his chair. Dave put his elbows on the table and rested his head in the palm of his hand. He was starting to get a head ache. It probably had less to do with the conversation and more to do with no food and all coffee. Dave almost always got a headache when he drank coffee without eating.

"Why is Kurt such a touchy subject with you? Is it only because of the bullying or-"

"Drop it, Smythe." Dave couldn't see Sebastian but he could almost hear the way Sebastian seemed to consider it, as if part of him wanted to keep pestering Dave about Kurt.

"You know, you need to stop sulking about every little thing that happens to you, David." he said.

Dave looked up from his hand.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, bullshit. You're not that oblivious." Sebastian said, annoyance clear on his face.

"I'm fucking serious, Sebastian. I don't have a clue what you're talking about."

"You're always so fucking _moody,_ Dave. One moment you're almost fine and then the next you're either pissed or depressed looking. You're never just.. Just."

"I am not always-"

"Yes, you are." Sebastian interrupted. "And being mopey about all the bad shit that's happened to you isn't going to change anything. It's just going to either piss everyone off or make people feel pity for you. I'm pretty sure neither of those things are what you want from people."

Dave rolled his eyes and put his head back into his hand.

"Whatever. What does it matter anyways? It's not like being happy would change anything either. And it would be a lie."

"See, you're still doing it."

"Fuck off, Smythe."

"That's you're problem, _Karofsky_ , you're so used to people leaving you when you get a little pushy, that you expect that reaction now. You're used to the first time you shove, having the person back off. That when you yell, the person cowers in fear. You're used to people leaving you." he said. Dave looked up and Sebastian leaned in the smallest bit. "I'm not like those people, David. I'm not leaving because you're being a moody bitch and throwing a tantrum. Because what you need right now is someone who, when you push, _they'll push back_."

David stared at Sebastian as he let the words sink in. Sebastian, yet again, was right. He so desperately needed someone who wouldn't be afraid to be honest with him. He wanted, no, _needed_ someone who would force him to face his shit head on. He was so very tired of skirting around everything.

But instead of saying that to Sebastian, he simply rolled his eyes and laying his head down again.

"If you ever want to get better, you're going to have to tackle these insecurities of yours and get over them. Else wise, you'll be just as vulnerable as you are now and you'll never make it on your own." he continued. Dave huffed.

"I don't need a therapist, Sebastian."

"I kind of think you do."

Dave laughed, but when Sebastian didn't say anything else, he stopped and looked up. Sebastian was staring at him, waiting for a response himself.

"You're kidding, right?" Dave said. Sebastian didn't stir. "No. I can handle my own shit. I don't need some psychologist to ask me how I feel."

"It's not weak to see a therapist, Dave." Sebastian said. "It would be good for you. It would help you sort through your issues better than you ever could on your own."

"Okay." Dave paused. "I'll think it over. I don't know if I'll actually do it, but it can't hurt to consider it. Even if I think I can handle my problems on my own."

"Fine." Sebastian sighed.

"I just don't need a therapist to tell me shit I already know."

"And what do you _already know,_ Davey?"

"I know that what I did was irrational and all in the spur of the moment. I know that I have really unhealthy ways of letting out my anger and that I still get pretty fucking depressed about my life. And I know that no amount of fucking _therapy_ is going to help get over my fear of being alone for the rest of my life. So yeah, I don't need a shrink to tell me a damn thing about my own life. I've got it down to a t, thank you."

Dave felt a little relieved and shocked that he had said all that he had out loud, but when he looked up, Sebastian was chuckling softly to himself.

"What the fuck is so funny, Smythe?"

"Well, Dave _,_ do you create your own problems a lot? Because it seems to me like you do." he said with a light laugh and a roll of his eyes.

Dave really wanted to smack him again.

"You think way too much, bearcub. If you'd take the time to look over your issues and assess them the right way, you'd see they're all little things and that you make them out to be so much bigger than they really are."

"What do you mean?"

"The suicide attempt was an irrational move, yes, but people who go through traumatic events often times make irrational decisions, such as what you went through. Do you think you're the first person who was outed and attempted suicide?"

"Fuck no."

"Exactly. And do you think those people suddenly felt happy go lucky after not being successful? Do you think they just started appreciating life and stopped feeling horrible about what happened to them?"

"Well, no, but-"

"No, of course not. They were, more than likely, depressed for at least a few months while they tried to get their shit together. _It takes time_ , David. It takes time and it takes help. And it's not weak or stupid to get help when you actually need it."

"I know but-"

"The anger issues can be resolved as well once you find a better outlet for your anger. And your ' _fear of being alone_ '? It's ridiculous."

"You're one to talk, you told me I may as well stay in the closet and basically insisted I'd _never_ be able to get a boyfriend!"

"I didn't mean that, Dave. Not really."

"Oh, yeah right."

"No, seriously." Sebastian said, a look of guilt in his eyes. "You're a good looking guy, Dave. Not really my type cause I've never been all that big on bears, but I'd be lying if I said you weren't handsome. You're not a lost cause. You'll find a boyfriend. It's not a matter of _if_ but a matter of _when_."

Dave sighed and moved his hand to grab another napkin but found long fingers catching his hand and forcing him to look back up to Sebastian. In the light of the window, Sebastian's eyes were a clear green with a hint of blue on the edges. His eyes were actually quite beautiful and Dave wondered why they looked so much nicer now than they had in the past. He thought maybe it was the lighting or maybe the fact that for once Sebastian wasn't trying to make fun of him as much as help him.

It was a nice change of pace, but it confused Dave and made him hope for something that he didn't even know he was hoping for; for Sebastian to actually be a nice person underneath all of his snark and mischievous grins.

"Hey, _listen_ _to me_." he said, staring back at Dave. He took his hand away but didn't redirect his gaze. "What do _you_ want out of life, bearcub?"

Dave decided to not take out another napkin and went to rest his hand back on the table.

What _did_ he want? He knew he didn't want to be alone. He knew he didn't want to be stuck in Lima, Ohio. But what _did_ he want?

"I don't know, I guess I just want the same things as everyone else. I just want to be happy." he replied. Sebastian huffed.

"Not everyone, Davey." he said as he took another sip of his coffee.

Dave stared.

"What do you want then, Sebastian?" he asked. Sebastian looked at him.

"We're not talking about me, Dave. We're talking about you. Let's stay on topic, shall we? Now, I think you'll-"

"No, you can't expect me to share and for you to stay so guarded. If I have to open up, so do you. That's how this friendship thing works."

Sebastian sighed.

"Fine, fine. I'll sum up both of our lives in a nutshell, then." he took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, his head resting against the arm he had thrown behind his head. "Now that you've been pushed out the closet, Cub, I'm sure you'll live the most mundane of homosexual lifestyles. You'll find a quaint little boyfriend who you'll eventually settle down with and buy a small house together in some Midwest hick town.

"The two of you will adopt some children and he'll be a stay at home dad while you work at some boring office job. You'll both occasionally bicker about pointless things, like who'll wash the dishes or who'll drive the kids to school and inevitably grow old together. Your life will be comfortable and utterly boring, but you'll love it."

He paused and then sat up straighter, putting both hands around his coffee cup. "I, on the other hand, will spend my years roving through countless men while traveling the world. I'll get some exciting, fast paced career that will always have me on the edge of my seat. I'll probably never marry or have kids, but I'll live a life of adventure, sex, and excitement.

"Maybe we'll still be friends, but our lives are going to be so polar opposites that it will seem like we shouldn't even know each other. The only thing our futures have in common is that they both involve dick at some point or another."

Dave had been surprised that Sebastian had gone on that long speaking, but couldn't bring himself to care when all that Sebastian had said had been something that Dave thought he just might want. Living a boring life with kids and a husband didn't seem so bad to him. It actually seemed.. nice.

Maybe he wouldn't have all of the nice things that Sebastian would, but he would have a family and he would be loved. He'd be happy. And that was really all that Dave had ever wanted.

He only wished it were true.

"I don't know. It doesn't seem like something that would actually happen to me. Good things usually don't." he said. He hated that he felt like such a pessimist, but he couldn't afford to be optimistic. Not when getting his hopes up could result in his whole world crashing down.

"Well, be a downer all you want, but I know it's true for me. It's more of fulfilling a prophecy as opposed to a dream." Sebastian said, the usual arrogant tone in his voice.

Dave rolled his eyes but found himself half-smiling anyways. He couldn't deny that it was probably true.

Dave was about to reply when he heard a cough coming from the entrance of the cafe and looked up to see his dad standing there, smiling patiently. Dave nodded and turned his attention back to Sebastian.

"My dad's done." he said. Sebastian just nodded but looked like he wanted to say something. "What?"

"Do you.. fuck this is weird, I'm not used to the whole friend thing, mind you." he said, a hand raking through his hair. "Do you maybe want to come over this Saturday? To my place, I mean. I figure after a week of being at Dalton, you might want to get out of the house and away from authority for awhile."

Dave considered it. It did actually sound nice to get away from his dad for awhile. His dad meant well, but he often times would hover and Dave barely ever got chances to get away. If the price he'd have to pay would be spending some time with Sebastian, he thought maybe he could deal. It might actually even be fun, if Sebastian didn't try to pull anything or try to argue with him again. Maybe they'd get along for once.

"Yeah, sure. Just, uh, give me your address sometime this week." he replied. Sebastian nodded his head.

"It was almost nice talking with you, bearcub." he said. Dave shook his head and huffed out a laugh. Of course he'd downplay everything. But Dave didn't really mind, making a big deal out of it would probably have annoyed him more than pretending it was normal conversation they'd had.

Dave got up and walked over to his dad. Paul began walking down the corridor that led to the entrance hall and Dave looked back to see Sebastian already talking to the barista, flirty smile and roving eyes already at work. Dave shook his head to himself.

When he got out to the car with his dad, Paul turned and looked at him with a questioning look, very obviously trying to get Dave to let on to something but Dave didn't know _what._

"What are you looking at me like that for?" he asked when his dad still hadn't started the car.

"Nothing. Just.. was that boy gay?"

Dave looked at his dad wide eyed.

"Yes." he said slowly. "Why?"

Paul smiled and chuckled quietly as he took the car out of park and began to drive away from the school.

"What?" Dave asked, irritated at the joke he apparently wasn't getting here.

"Nothing, David. I just haven't seen you smile like that in awhile."

Dave's face heated up and he rolled his eyes. Of course his dad would make assumptions. What, he couldn't be happy and not have it have something to do with another guy? Just because he was gay didn't mean he had to be such a.. _such a girl._

"It's not like that, Dad. Sebastian's sort of kind of an asshole. Even if he's- my friend? I guess? I don't think of him like that."

"For now." his dad replied. Dave sighed and Paul laughed again.

"Whatever, Dad."


End file.
